


Code of Honor

by HavenRyder



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Keith doesn't even know what to think anymore, Kuron? Or Shiro?, M/M, Season 4 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 15:18:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12368511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HavenRyder/pseuds/HavenRyder
Summary: Just the thought of leaving pains him physically; a sharp stab in his chest, a tightness in his throat. But Keith leaves anyway.1k+ words of unedited angst, basically my take on Keith's thought process in Season 4 Episode 1.





	Code of Honor

Just the thought of leaving pains him physically; a sharp stab in his chest, a tightness in his throat. Three short months ago, Keith would have given anything to have Shiro back, but now, he isn’t so sure. He hates himself a little for thinking that way. 

On the surface, everything seems fine, but they haven’t quite been the same since the disaster that was the Kerberos mission. As usual, Shiro had assumed his usual position as the calm, collected and charismatic leader, suppressing all his emotion into oblivion in order to maintain appearances. It doesn’t take a genius to know that that isn’t how PTSD works. There have been rare moments, instances where the veneer of Shiro’s façade cracks, and glimpses of the traumatized man who was thrust into maturity and authority way too young seeps through. Keith wishes he could say something; that he knew what to say, but he has never had a way with words. Anyway, in the story of Shiro and Keith, the most important things have always been unsaid. 

Takashi Shirogane is a very private person; that has never really changed. It could be vestiges of his Japanese upbringing, or just an aspect of his personality, but he has never been particularly forthcoming with his personal information. Still, after more than a year of observation, Keith does know certain things. One, he hates being at the center of attention. His sheer talent and leadership skills had skyrocketed him to fame and acclamation at the Galaxy Garrison, but Shiro had always preferred to finish all his duties before vanishing to spar with Keith in the gym. Two, he has no biological family to speak of. Nearly all the cadets and officers at the Galaxy Garrison would disappear periodically to contact their family, but the only people Shiro spoke to in a non-professional context were the Holts. Three, Shiro has an unfaltering sense of duty to whatever cause he believes in, be it space exploration, or Voltron. Four, the relationship between them is… complex. The love, devotion and understanding that they have for each other goes beyond friendship. There is no lack of physical attraction, at least on Keith’s side. Yet, Shiro has never given any indication whether he sees Keith as a brother or a lover. Without any direction to follow, and any courage to ask, Keith is left floating in limbo.

The man standing in front of Keith displays every single one of these traits. He hasn’t said a word about all those months he was gone, after that dreadful fight with Zarkon. Keith isn’t surprised that the others haven’t bothered to ask him much about it. Keith wouldn’t be surprised if Shiro hasn’t even thought much about it himself. Ever since his return, he has been singlemindedly committed to their mission. He looks at Keith with the same fondness, and as always, is exceedingly close, yet never quite close enough. It’s the small, subtle things that make Keith question who he is; things that not even Pidge would be able to spot. No, it’s not just the hair, or the way Black refuses to accept him. It’s the way he tells Keith the lead, then proceeds to override his decisions. The way he claims that he is supporting Keith, then drops a caveat in the very same sentence. The way he dishes out orders, when they had always been equals, even when Shiro was technically his mentor. Keith has taken to calling this version Shiro by a different name - Kuron. A word the Shiro lookalike had muttered when Keith had found him in the Galra ship, starving, dehydrated and delirious. He resolves to observe Kuron carefully for more clues, but it hurts. Pretending that nothing is wrong, interacting with a person who is so similar to Shiro but just feels _off_ , wondering if there is a real Shiro somewhere out there in the universe, with no one searching for him. As much as he hates to admit it, Keith can feel himself distancing himself from the team, throwing himself wholeheartedly into the Blade of Mamora missions. It’s not very fun. As much as he feels a sense of accomplishment to see the progress they’ve made in tracking down the quintessence supply line, it’s not quite like Team Voltron, where they at least try to act like he isn’t expendable. The truth is, in a war, nothing is inexpendable.

When Kuron manages to pilot the Black Lion, Keith feels relieved for a moment. He no longer has to pose as the leader of Voltron, where anything he does just gets him the disapproval of the team, who make it evident that they would rather be led by Kuron. Then, he is hit with a wave of doubt - what if Kuron is really Shiro? Keith is self-aware enough to recognize his penchant for conspiracy theories. It is entirely plausible that he has been pushing away the real Shiro, clutching at little clues that don’t really exist. The implications of that aren’t particularly comforting. Is the real Shiro someone who would try to control and undermine him, simply because he can’t cope with being displaced from his position? The uncertainty of it all is giving him a headache.

The decision to leave isn’t an easy one, but he has been easing into it for a while now. 

“Is that why you have been pulling away from us?” Allura asks. Keith wasn’t expecting her not to notice - she had always been one of the more perceptive among them. If only he could tell her his suspicions without sounding like a lunatic. 

“Just know that we’re here for you whenever you need us,” Kuron says. His hand is heavy on Keith’s shoulder, a grounding presence. It sounds exactly like what Shiro would say. Then, they hug, and Keith almost cries out from relief. The real Shiro would hold him close, starved for intimacy as they were. The real Shiro wouldn’t put so much distance between them. Yet, they are in front of the whole team, and Shiro was never a fan of public displays of affection. Is this Shiro? Or Kuron? Or Shiro? Or Kuron? 

He has to go, before this doublethink drives him crazier than he already is. He plays it safe and says what he would say to Shiro. He tries not to think about how much he would miss the team - there are moments when they make him feel unwelcome, but for the most part, they are the closest thing to family he has ever had. 

The moment he leaves their side, the fake smile slides off his face. So, it’s back to being a lone wolf again. Patience yields focus. Until he can find out what is really going on, it’s best that he keeps his distance. Lotor isn’t going to chase himself, and there are answers to be found. Maybe, Shiro is still out there, desperately awaiting rescue.

So he leaves.


End file.
